Knowing
by weatheredlaw
Summary: She said no first. But, then again, she'd always been a terrible liar.


**A/N:** Ben and Annie, FTW.

**Summary:** She'd said no first. But, then again, she'd always been a terrible liar.

**Knowing**

He kissed her neck causing her to flinch inward, giggling. "Stop, Ben." He blew in her ear and tucked her hair back, whispering quietly. "No." She said firmly. But that smile remained on her lips. He shook his head and continued to whisper to her quietly. She shook her own head and her hair fell back into her face, allowing her to hide herself from him behind it. He let her play that game, let her pretend that this wasn't what she wanted. Parting her hair like a curtain, he looked into her eyes and kissed her softly.

The years had not made him so hard yet. So empty and restless. As long as she was there, he felt like he could do anything. And with her by his side, that would always be possible. "Please," he muttered, laying kisses on her cheek and neck. They rested in his living room, his father drunk and passed out in his room, the two of them only feet away from him. "Annie. Please."

"No, Linus," she said quietly, her smile fading. He sighed and nodded. Kissing her one last time before pulling her to his chest and resting against the pillows of the sofa. "I'm sorry," she murmured into his shirt, toying with the buttons.

"It's alright." He tried not to sound too disappointed. She smiled sheepishly at him and crawled closer to his neck, burying her head there, her hair sticking to his face with static. She smelled like red dirt and mangos and that strange Dharma shampoo. "No really, it is."

"I guess so, yeah. I just..."

"Annie. I understand." In truth, he didn't. He'd thought that they'd both wanted this. They were eighteen, young, in love, and he'd always thought that, eventually, it would come to this. Making love and being together the way they were supposed to be. God, how he wanted to marry her. To keep her with him forever. But time was so fleeting. Forever seemed immeasurable one day and not enough the next. He felt a great pain in his heart, but would not let her see him weaken. Finally, she lifted herself up.

"I think I should head home now," she said quietly. He nodded, taking her hand and leading her home, their fingers playing games with one another as they smiled and talked the whole way back. "I love you," she murmured, kissing him gently. He nodded and held her close. This was enough for now, he supposed This could be all he needed. In truth, he needed more. But life would not allow it for now, so he let bygones be bygones and left her there on her porch. But he didn't return home. Quietly, he crept closer toward the jungle, resting under a group of trees that he and Annie had claimed years ago, as children, as their own fort. It was a nearly perfect circle of trees and grass. He sat down on a sharp stick and cursed, throwing it into the darkness.

He loved her. He'd said it before, always truthfully. It was one of the only honest things he could say to anyone. Leaning against the tree, he closed his eyes and thought of Apollo bars and Annie. And how much it hurt to think about a place in time without her. A place where he was alone. A place-

"Benjamin Linus. What are you doing out here?" He was pulled from his daydreams by Annie's voice, it's severity of tone catching him off guard. "It's late. If anyone sees you-"

"They won't. It's fine." She sighed and shook her head, taking a place next to him. "I thought you were going to sleep."

"I couldn't sleep after I watched you walk out here." She shrugged and placed her head on his shoulder, his arm instinctively going around her and pulling her close. "You love me, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And you you'll wait for me?" He nodded. "For how long?" She smiled that teasing smile and he rolled his eyes. They played this game frequently and she enjoyed torturing him with it. He hated the sappiness of it all, but she loved seeing him give in and admit to her all the silly trappings that came with being in love. To the moon in back. Forever and a day. A hundred and one kisses. Trade the world for just one more night. Better than chocolate. She loved it all. And he loved her. So he played these games because he knew that's what made her happy. And Ben was always trying to make her happy.

"I'd wait for you forever. Forever and another eternity."

"You're very patient, Mr. Linus."

"I try."

"But I think you're not as patient as you pretend to be." She kissed him and raised a curious eyebrow.

"How so?"

"You're a man. You won't wait forever."

"I love you. I'll wait." She shook her head.

"But you don't have to."

"No, Annie. I do." He looked at her sternly, straightening up. She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "I tell you I love you. That I'll wait and wait and wait. And I'm serious. I will. But it's like you never believe me. Like you think I'll leave you or-" She smacked him, sending him reeling to the ground with stars in his eyes.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me what I think." She stood over him, angry and hurt.

"I-"

"Shut up." She pulled him to her and kissed him, hard. Harder than she had ever done before. Caught off guard, his eyes opened wide, not knowing what to do but sink into her kiss, hold her close. They didn't need words anymore and her hands were like pianist fingers, playing him like the song he was. He nearly gasped when she pulled off her ratty tshirt, revealing what he'd longed to see for so long. nearly died when she dragged her nails along his bare skin and tugged at this belt until she could finally see all of him.

They met like heat and hot oil on water. Steam and hissing, bitter noises. The desire to control her was suddenly so strong, he thought that maybe he should have just stopped her. But she held her own. She would not submit. She tamed him like no one could and he would be forever grateful. Forever angry when he could never manage to do it for himself ever again.

She cried out into his neck as he entered her, the muffled noises of their first time contained in the tiny space. He felt dirt and grass in his hands as he rose over her and she could feel the stickiness of the ground on her on back, but neither cared. She felt pain and pain and pain and then something akin to less pain and then pleasure. It was not the most enjoyable. It was not the most perfect. But it was all forgiven when she saw the look on his face. When she saw that he was there and whole and existing for the first time in years. That a part of him had been away and had now returned. She cooed his name as they came down from their high, as he released somewhere next to her because they were frightened of the evidence of this being known to all.

A baby would have been bad news for everyone. Neither would have lived it down.

He was sweating and shaking and trembling and almost afraid. She held him close and kissed his damp forehead, fawning over him, letting him shiver again her. She reached for their clothes to cover them.

"I love you," he said, nearly choking on his own honesty. "I lo-"

"Shhh. Benjamin. I know. I know."

And she did. More than anyone. Eventually the parted ways and he slipped quietly back into his own home, his father still as death in the other room. He dressed for bed and crawled between the sheets, still feeling her, tasting her, hearing her. Knowing her.


End file.
